I got in trouble for being punched in the face lol #storytime

Photo by Tyla Harrington 

A memory just tapped me on the shoulder in response to an ongoing ponder I have: Where did things begin? We go our lives on a habitual auto pilot never getting back to the root of the matter. I love to dissect and resurrect. I feel I owe it to myself and the world.

It was 3rd grade and there was this boy named Arthur who had a little crush on me. In true elementary fashion, it was shown by way of 'being mean' so he always found a way to tease me. One day, we were sitting at our desks next to one another and I forgot why we were in a bit of an argument and somewhere down the line, it ended with him legitimately punching me in the face. Lol no lie. It was abrupt as the quarrel was not intense just juvenile bickering. I believe I didn't care to share answers or something like that. lol

I was shocked and hurt af and truly wanted to let loose. I've never been a fighter but I can be reactive and show my claws if I feel threatened or in danger. So instead, I told. I told the teacher. It was what happened next that I think stuck with me in a healthy way.

She expressed frustration and yelled, "Oh my God, Maya!" and wrote ME the referral. I was in 'trouble'. Bewildered was a spelling word that week and I finally had true experiential understanding of what it meant.

I think that was one of the points where I began to cover myself and hide my true essence to avoid 'trouble.' Maybe if I wasn't pretty, or appealing or smart I wouldn't have been in that position. He wouldn't have have liked me. I couldn't understand why he didn't render any consequences but I adjusted.

I'm no crazy feminist. I simply believe we are equal and that should stand for itself. But perhaps then, and for other reasons, I began to develop a certain disdain for our fellow males. I felt my authenticity was at the mercy of their desires and impulses. No worries. I've developed a gained wisdom and learned to be centered in myself. I love men dearly. But boy, I travel back in time often to find where the veil formed so I can come from underneath the expose the creature I was designed to be. Freely.