Extremes of the transition
Right now, I struggle. Struggle with loss. Struggle with adjustment. Struggle with what's new. Struggle with reality.
I gave my whole heart. And now, I am forced to take it back. To gather up every ounce of love and submerge myself with my own elixir.
2 months ago my sweet lovely man broke up with me. It took me 2 months to accept it and we all know acceptance is the FIRST step. haha I do my best to make light of it and by no means do I believe that I'll "never get over this" or that "I'll never love again" or anything else severely dramatic. I do see, however, that my attempts at expediting the grieving stage of things have been a failure and that it'd be my best bet to approach the situation from another angle. Within a different approach exists the strongest medicine for this wound.
It was abrupt, for me at least. I'm not sure if perhaps it had been a lingering considering on his part. It shocked me and I felt traumatized in many ways because it was at this same exact time I was reaching such a high point within our relationship. I was allowing myself to love even deeper and steadily thought about our future and even marriage. I felt blissful and proud of us. Yes, there were still things to work on individually and collectively but that is life, right?
Aside from our relationship, I was really tackling many things in life in general and creating a scenario where I would be able to embark upon things that I felt truly drawn to. I was looking for a new living situation so that we'd have more personal space and I was looking for a new opportunity to alleviate me from my 40 hours a week supervisor job. I was ready to rededicate those 40 hours and reacquaint with my creative and spiritual life.
Serendipitously, I found myself engaged in an opportunity that allowed for me to have much more free time and a huge financial relief. This past August I started doing some light child care for a family with an autistic teenager which included free housing. It's truly a lovely blessing that I am totally grateful for. I also bought a car in cash with the help from my father and within a month was able to get all of that aligned. This situation involved some stress as there was an unexcepted situation with my license and I ended up having to spend much of my savings to hire a lawyer to get things straightened out. Driving gave me anxiety until it was all handled but everything turned out well.
I've been in prayer in meditation a lot to help me transition this stage. I'm in between extremes feeling the grief from mylover Ex-lover and feeling the excitement from this wide door of opportunity I worked hard to open for myself.
I've been writing a book entitled "Exposed" which is a collection of poems and stories about my life and the realizations that have accompanied it. I believe this book has been living inside me for some time but it was earlier this year when my Ex-lover cast the inspiration within my heart. I'll always thank him for that. I plan on releasing this work in December and from now until then, I'll blog daily.
I am also creating a vlog series a long with this endeavor which I release on youtube entitled "MayaisExposed". What I'm doing here is creating an opportunity to bare my genuine naked truth so that if I were to die tomorrow, at least I gave all of myself today. I gather my mistakes and triumphs into a digestible form and offer to whomever in reaches. Most of all, I heal. Grow. And continue to expand and evolve within from within.
Here's to a journey that never seems to end and I quite frankly am not even sure when it started.
I gave my whole heart. And now, I am forced to take it back. To gather up every ounce of love and submerge myself with my own elixir.
2 months ago my sweet lovely man broke up with me. It took me 2 months to accept it and we all know acceptance is the FIRST step. haha I do my best to make light of it and by no means do I believe that I'll "never get over this" or that "I'll never love again" or anything else severely dramatic. I do see, however, that my attempts at expediting the grieving stage of things have been a failure and that it'd be my best bet to approach the situation from another angle. Within a different approach exists the strongest medicine for this wound.
It was abrupt, for me at least. I'm not sure if perhaps it had been a lingering considering on his part. It shocked me and I felt traumatized in many ways because it was at this same exact time I was reaching such a high point within our relationship. I was allowing myself to love even deeper and steadily thought about our future and even marriage. I felt blissful and proud of us. Yes, there were still things to work on individually and collectively but that is life, right?
Aside from our relationship, I was really tackling many things in life in general and creating a scenario where I would be able to embark upon things that I felt truly drawn to. I was looking for a new living situation so that we'd have more personal space and I was looking for a new opportunity to alleviate me from my 40 hours a week supervisor job. I was ready to rededicate those 40 hours and reacquaint with my creative and spiritual life.
Serendipitously, I found myself engaged in an opportunity that allowed for me to have much more free time and a huge financial relief. This past August I started doing some light child care for a family with an autistic teenager which included free housing. It's truly a lovely blessing that I am totally grateful for. I also bought a car in cash with the help from my father and within a month was able to get all of that aligned. This situation involved some stress as there was an unexcepted situation with my license and I ended up having to spend much of my savings to hire a lawyer to get things straightened out. Driving gave me anxiety until it was all handled but everything turned out well.
I've been in prayer in meditation a lot to help me transition this stage. I'm in between extremes feeling the grief from my
I've been writing a book entitled "Exposed" which is a collection of poems and stories about my life and the realizations that have accompanied it. I believe this book has been living inside me for some time but it was earlier this year when my Ex-lover cast the inspiration within my heart. I'll always thank him for that. I plan on releasing this work in December and from now until then, I'll blog daily.
I am also creating a vlog series a long with this endeavor which I release on youtube entitled "MayaisExposed". What I'm doing here is creating an opportunity to bare my genuine naked truth so that if I were to die tomorrow, at least I gave all of myself today. I gather my mistakes and triumphs into a digestible form and offer to whomever in reaches. Most of all, I heal. Grow. And continue to expand and evolve within from within.
Here's to a journey that never seems to end and I quite frankly am not even sure when it started.
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