I slept until 6pm today
I slept until 6pm today. I really felt like I needed that. I also felt guilty. As If I didn't deserve that type of rest. One of my many conflicting thoughts.
He was the first thing on my mind today but this time it felt different. It felt like the distance appeared a bit more real to me this time. Like I knew for sure that it's over. I dream about him nightly these days. Without fail, the dreams that involve him always include water in some way. In last night's dream, or more so early this afternoon's, we were on a cruise ship with his family. Funny, I purchased a cruise for the both of us for November 2018 with many of my family members. I guess I'll have to figure out what to do with my plus one. Obviously I have time. But in this dream, we were together but we were distant. He was around but not too much. I went to a candy shop and I was about to purchase $49 worth of candy. Then, he came up and was acting sort of nice. I realized that it would have been a bit irresponsible and put back several items. My new total was $7.07. The next part that I remember, I was in the shower and he came to join me. He was totally loving at this point and everything seemed blissful. He told me that he wanted to make up and that he just needed 20 hours. Lots of numbers in this dream. I'm not sure what it means. I woke up annoyed. Annoyed that I woke up happy then quickly realized, it was just a dream.
Last night, I went to a jam session with a friend. It was lovely environment and I found it beautiful how we improvised and made magick out of the current circumstances. Due to this recent hurricane Irma, the power over there was out. There were candles lit everywhere and we all sat in a circle to create the vibrations collectively. Before I even got there, I began to feel some pain in the right side of my body. I hadn't had a flare in some time and I'm always grateful that at this point in my life I have it much more under control. But for some reason, Miss Pain came to visit me last night. I figured music and communion may be medicinal so I left my father's house and went to join them. I sang and I took footage of some of the moments. The pain increased but I did my best to present. After a few hours I new I needed to get going.
Josue, my friend who invited me, chatted with me for a bit by my car. He kept explaining that I have a new energy around me and I was a free woman. He expressed how there is something special about me and that I have to keep going. It always interesting to here people profess the things they see in me. Often times, I have no idea who I am or why I'm here. But I do my best to keep moving in the direction I felt divinely guided to.
Now, I sit up in my room. Alone. I've been spending quite a bit of time alone. Sometimes I just stare. I've always liked alone time and solitude so it's not horrible. Although, it's different now.
I have many ideas running around my head. Many parts of me are excited. Anxious and eager. I wonder how long this stage will take.
I'm going to write more to my book now.
Maya
He was the first thing on my mind today but this time it felt different. It felt like the distance appeared a bit more real to me this time. Like I knew for sure that it's over. I dream about him nightly these days. Without fail, the dreams that involve him always include water in some way. In last night's dream, or more so early this afternoon's, we were on a cruise ship with his family. Funny, I purchased a cruise for the both of us for November 2018 with many of my family members. I guess I'll have to figure out what to do with my plus one. Obviously I have time. But in this dream, we were together but we were distant. He was around but not too much. I went to a candy shop and I was about to purchase $49 worth of candy. Then, he came up and was acting sort of nice. I realized that it would have been a bit irresponsible and put back several items. My new total was $7.07. The next part that I remember, I was in the shower and he came to join me. He was totally loving at this point and everything seemed blissful. He told me that he wanted to make up and that he just needed 20 hours. Lots of numbers in this dream. I'm not sure what it means. I woke up annoyed. Annoyed that I woke up happy then quickly realized, it was just a dream.
Last night, I went to a jam session with a friend. It was lovely environment and I found it beautiful how we improvised and made magick out of the current circumstances. Due to this recent hurricane Irma, the power over there was out. There were candles lit everywhere and we all sat in a circle to create the vibrations collectively. Before I even got there, I began to feel some pain in the right side of my body. I hadn't had a flare in some time and I'm always grateful that at this point in my life I have it much more under control. But for some reason, Miss Pain came to visit me last night. I figured music and communion may be medicinal so I left my father's house and went to join them. I sang and I took footage of some of the moments. The pain increased but I did my best to present. After a few hours I new I needed to get going.
Josue, my friend who invited me, chatted with me for a bit by my car. He kept explaining that I have a new energy around me and I was a free woman. He expressed how there is something special about me and that I have to keep going. It always interesting to here people profess the things they see in me. Often times, I have no idea who I am or why I'm here. But I do my best to keep moving in the direction I felt divinely guided to.
Now, I sit up in my room. Alone. I've been spending quite a bit of time alone. Sometimes I just stare. I've always liked alone time and solitude so it's not horrible. Although, it's different now.
I have many ideas running around my head. Many parts of me are excited. Anxious and eager. I wonder how long this stage will take.
I'm going to write more to my book now.
Maya
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